Interview with Leon Hessinger

Q and A with Leon Hessinger. [This interview took place in the void-less vacuum]

L: Oh god, where am I? Am I dead?

Q: No. You’re in a hypothetical location, possibly Minkowsk, for an interview.

L: But it’s 6 in the morning!

Q: I don’t get to decide the time of day to pull you out of hyperspace.

L: Seriously?

Q: So, Leon, how do you feel about having destroyed the entire world?

L: It wasn’t my fault.  It was an accident.

Q: Yes, to be sure, but it seems that you had something to do with it.

L [Shrugs]

Q: Moving on to my next question, then. Why would you build a monster computer virus?

L: Well, it was just a hobby of mine to start. I never meant for it to get out.

Q: I see. Can you tell us a bit about yourself? What do you do when you’re not busy destroying the universe?

L: I hang out with Lucky.

Q: And what are some of the things you do?

L: That’s none of your business.

Q: Can you tell us about your coworkers?

L: Which ones?

Q: Coco Laroux, or Renjou Bosco, for instance.

L: Well, we don’t always enjoy each other’s company, but we keep things running. Currently, we’re hacking into the Temple and being pursued by the Doomsday Cultists.

Q: Any progress?

L: With the Cultists?

Q: With the Temple.

L: Not really.

Q: What exactly is the Temple?

L: At the core, it’s just a giant database which contains a copy of our world. A slightly
crooked copy, which erases itself every few hundred years. We’re trying to hack
it and bring everything back in order.

Q: I see. Sounds like fun.

L: It’s not.

Q: And what about the Doomsday Cultists? What are they up to?

L: In a nut shell, the D-Dayers are obsessed with Doomsday-type stuff, you know, like the  Apocalypse, Armageddon, etc. They like to destroy things. Big things. I don’t blame them – it’s a lot easier than building stuff. I’ve never seen a D-Dayer myself, but people say they’re pretty damn ugly. Supposedly, they also have grey skin and are covered with colorful tattoos that link them directly to the Temple. A while ago, they got their hands on a digital Directory which pointed to every single person in the Metro, listing them by their first name, age and occupation. Well, the Directory also listed people’s birth and death dates – it seemed to know everyone, and it predicted the future and was terribly accurate. For a while, before the D-Dayers locked it away inside their Temple, the Directory was publicly accessible, and many people couldn’t resist the temptation to look themselves up in it. I can tell you it didn’t make them too happy. Well, anyway, one day the Directory listed a few million people’s end dates, on the same day and at the same hour to the minute. So naturally, the D-Dayers got a little excited about it.

Q: You work at the Foundry, isn’t that right? Can you tell us a bit more about your colleagues?

L: I can’t. This information is too sensitive. Remember, the Cultists…

Q: I heard from sources that I can’t mention—

L: Here we go again…

Q: That Coco Laroux once showed you an adult fairy tale called “Lovers—

L: I have no recollection of that happening. Coco Laroux has a wild imagination. He’s unreliable. And he’s always watching adult fairytales.

Q: And what about Renjou, do you find him easy to work with?

L: Well, yes. I mean, he’s my boss and all.

Q: Well, Leon, thank you for your time. I guess now you’ll go back to the void or wherever it is that you came from and set things right again for the universe?

L: What?

Q: And we’re out.